Rosalie's Drab Day
by Rahzelia
Summary: Rosalie, the queen of all things beautiful is having a really bad day. Oneshot. Reviews appreciated :3 Rated T, just in case!


**Rae:** **I own everything! Everything! evil laugh **

**Rosalie: Dammit, only I can own everything. –pushes Rae off a ledge- **

**Rae (in bandages and crutches): Okay, Rosalie owns everything. I take what I said back. **

**Stephenie Meyer: Excuse, but I believe I have the legit rights to the book. **

**Rosalie: And, I think I'm IN your legit book. So I'm legit. Legit. **

**Stephenie Meyer: … I can always take you out. I'll have Emmett dump you on the side of the road or something. **

**Rosalie: NOO! Emmett will never trade me for a bear! Fine, you own the book. Dammit. **

**Rae: sigh I don't hate Wal-Mart, by the way. And this story was just a random oneshot that I did. **

**I feel it's a bit cluttered, but the more I write, the more I try to improve! Reviews are loved! **

**Stephenie Meyer: Okay, that's all cleared up. Continue your reading!**

* * *

_**Rosalie's Point of View**_

I got out of the bed, stiffly looking around for Emmett. He had gone out early today with Jasper and Carlisle to hunt.

It was useless to try to find Esme, as she's probably with the gardening club, forever beautifying the backyard and the front lawn with green stuff. Stuff I do not want on my fingers or face.

Alice … was with that Edward's fiancée, Bella, dragging her through the hellish torture of shopping. Sometimes, my pity can go out for her. But most of the time, my envious nature gets the better of me. I do not only envy Bella for her humanity, I also envy her bravery and courage, but no one except myself knows that.

She agreed to be turned into a vampire, even after being told the unforgettable pain she would suffer. She had the courage to face the Volturi, a feat unknown to most humans. Visiting our house and socializing with _us_ was possibly the greatest of them all, if she only knew how big the risk really is. She only had a preview during Jasper's little snap before.

Ah well. Another one of her qualities is stubbornness, so after my talk about the past with her, after trying to convince her the eternal immortality is something to be thought over, she still chose to be a vampire. I figured it'd be a wasted effort to try and discouraging her so. Edward's too weak to fight against her and her chocolate-eyes and _sultry_ scent.

I realized that I was thinking too deep about this. If Bella becomes a vampire, that'll end so many of our problems, including the Volturi. I shuddered at the word. I immediately started thinking about clothes and Emmett, a reflex action whenever Edward was around mind-hearing range. I'm careful with my deep thoughts around Edward. He probably assumes I'm a shallow puddle of self-reflected thoughts.

I laughed to myself and went to pick today's daily outfit. My wardrobe was considerably smaller than Alice's or Esme's because I often threw (or, as Esme always forces me to do) donate clothes as much as I buy them. I never wear anything twice. One of the reasons is to please Emmett. He loves surprises more than anything. Second, was I wanted to feel ultimately superior from other beings, may it be human, vampire or a freakin' raccoon. I wanted to be a queen, and Emmett shall be the king.

Then, a sharp pain hit me in the chest. I wanted little princesses and princes too. I wanted someone to inherit the kingdom, me and Emmett's looks and personality. I wanted to grow old and watch them grow, and see my grandchildren too. I wanted to be called 'Granny' more than anything. Before I knew it, I was sobbing tearlessly.

I managed to calm myself and once again, analyze wardrobe choices. Surprisingly, I was limited.

_Did I donate so many clothes last week that I only have 5 pieces of clothing in my closet?!_

My mind rang internally. I did not remember donating ten boxes of clothes. I only remembered donating three boxes, but that should leave enough clothes to fill three closets.

_Wait… maybe Esme's washing clothes. But why wash so many at one time? I haven't even worn them! _

I tried to think up reasons of how and why my clothes would mystically disappear. I came up with none. I groaned and forced myself to choose between my limited wardrobe. Let's see… there was a plain white T-shirt, a sweater with the big words: "Got Butt?" which I highly doubt is even mines, a black shirt with the a drawing of the Earth with huge red lips saying "Gimme Some Love!" and a navy-blue tank top with skulls all over. I chose the tank top, it was the only one most decent of the tops. I swear I will kill whoever limited my wardrobe without a good reason.

I looked over the bottoms' choices and found them equally disappointing. There were three short shorts, in the varying colors of moss green, poop brown and navy blue. I hated shorts. A sharp, low growl escaped from my lips.

There had been a Wal-Mart incident (I hate Wal-Mart too), involving shorts, perverted old men and of course, Emmett. From then on, I refused to go to any Wal-Mart store, even going so far to trying to run their company bankrupt (I almost succeeded, if it wasn't for Carlisle's little speech about compassion and forgiveness).

I also burned every shorts I had. I tried to do Alice's wardrobe but she got to me before I even got started. Esme didn't even have shorts, she loved capris.

I considered not even changing, but I was wearing a nightie, and seeing as Edward and Esme were the only ones downstairs, I still didn't want to risk it.

After twenty minutes of glaring at the stupid shorts, I put the poop brown one on. It felt disgusting.

I went downstairs, making each step as noisy as possible and Edward turned to stare at me. He looked at my shorts questioningly and I made sure he heard about everything. He chuckled and said, "All I'm gonna say is, it's not me."

My eyes narrowed to slits. "Do you know who did it?!"

His expression turned serious. "No. I would've asked Alice if she was here, but she isn't. Are you sure it's within the family? What human wouldn't want to steal Rosalie Hale's wardrobe?"

I groaned and gave up. I was groaning and sighing too much – I was afraid I'd turn into a Bella Swan!

I sat myself in the kitchen chair, looking morosely out of the window. Esme came in and looked at me worriedly.

"What's wrong, Rose?" she asked, putting down her gardening supplies.

I turned to look at my adoptive mother. "Someone has done spring cleaning on my wardrobe, leaving me with only a few choice things that I'd never even think about wearing."

She looked at my shorts and nodded. "I'm sorry about that, Rose. I don't know who did it, but you know me and Carlisle would never do that."

I laughed at the thought. Esme did too.

"Well, that's two out of the six suspects then," I said airily, "I'm hedging on Edward, Jasper or maybe even Emmett."

"I didn't do it," Edward's bored voice rang from the living room. "Until you prove it," I replied back.

Esme suggested that I should start replenishing my wardrobe supply, just in case the culprit _isn't_ a family member. I agreed and took my convertible to Port Angeles. It was already 7:00 P.M. and a few of the stores were closing early on a Sunday.

Okay, scratch that, a LOT of the clothing stores are closing already. I stopped the car and banged on the steering wheel. Why was bad luck tailing me today? Then, somewhere in my subconscious, I thought of how Bella must feel, with bad luck tied to her waist all the time. The idea cheered me a bit. I still wasn't the worst creature on Earth.

I continued to drive around and ended with only one store to shop in. WAL-MART! Oh my freakin' raccoons! Why that store of all the stores? Why did they have to be open 24 hours a day? Why couldn't Macy's be open at least a bit longer?

I squirmed in my seat uncomfortably. My hatred towards shorts rose and I made up my mind. I'll go in Wal-Mart, grab a pair of jeans and maybe a shirt and run out. Easy. It shouldn't be so hard, right?

I swallowed and turned my car off. As I locked it and walked inside the crisp environment hell called Wal-Mart, I noticed an ominous shadow near the trash bins. I must be hallucinating now, too. I shook it off and went off to the jeans' section. I tried to keep a fast, human speed so I wouldn't look like I'm in such a hurry.

I looked quickly at the shelves of jeans and looked for a size 1. There were none. They only had sizes 5, 6 and 9.

_Great! They don't have my jean size!_

I didn't want to talk to any employee for help. If I talked to the girls, they'd often lie to me. If I talked to guys, they'd be rendered incoherent. How I wished I was a normal human!

A male employee spotted me hanging too long in front of the shelf of jeans. His eyes raked over my body, stopping at my shorts, then back up to my face. It was disgusting. His nametag said "Devon". Well, hello Disgusting Devon.

"May I help you, miss?" he asked, trying so hard that his voice wasn't at all seducing. He sounded like he was having menstrual cramps.

"Uh, I'm looking for size 1 jeans, do you happen to have them in stock?" I asked, trying to be as blunt as possible. I made sure my eyes looked cold and empty.

"Size 1? I believe we do," he said, his heartbeat missing a couple of beats when I lit up in evident joy, "I'll get it for you, ASAP." He half-ran back to the stockroom, dropping his forgotten load of candles. He swiftly tried to pick them up, and looked back to check if I'd seen his little fiasco. I pretended to be interested in the sale of the lava lamps.

"Check that butt out," a whisper came from two aisles behind me, "I can see her thong stickin' out!" A string of giggles followed, the sound being an odd harmony of different tones.

I was suddenly self conscious and checked my back to see if my underwear was on display. It wasn't and I was furious at the sick man who were saying those things.

I realized it wasn't a man, for the voice had a soft edge. I shuddered.

_Give it up to Wal-Mart to attract all types of humans_, I thought sourly.

That was probably my cue that I had to leave, jeans or not. Unfortunately, Disgusting Devon had just stumbled in front of me, holding my size 1 jeans. I took them and thanked him for his help. I felt his stare on my back.

I hurried to the counter, not even bothering to look for a top, with my bad luck today I'd probably not find the right color or something.

The cashier was a lady in her mid-40's and she gawked at me and sheepishly scanned my jeans. "That'll be …uh, 19.89, please," she said, stuttering slightly under my golden, impatient gaze.

I dug around my pockets and found that I had no wallet on me. I cursed silently, and smiled brightly at the lady. "Uh, it seems I forgot my wallet. Can you hold on the jeans? I'll be right back." The lady was incoherent and simply nodded.

I ran back to my car, annoyed. It took me three clicks to get my car to open. My anger was building up – never a good sign. I looked for the compartment with my fake credit cards and ID's.

"Ah," I said, elated when I saw I still had a good stock of them. Suddenly, I felt a presence behind me. I was shocked at what I saw.

It was a burly man, wearing a black mask and gloves. His shirt was an expensive-looking top with elegant ruffles, and he was wearing a leather mini-skirt with roses printed along the sides. He was wearing _my_ clothes. If my fury wasn't over the top, I would've found this evidently funny. Maybe even hilarious. However, my fury was for two things: that this man has stolen my clothes, and that his body mass is impossible for the fit and is threatening, with every second he has my clothes on, to ruin them.

The man grinned, his white teeth flashing handsomely in contrast to his black mask. I gasped. One word registered in my mind. _Emmett._

"Emmett Mc Carty Hale," I breathed, "You. Are. So. Dead." I spun around and glared at the two other figures standing behind him. "You too, Jasper and Alice!"

They all exploded in a hysteria of giggles. Emmett was the first to calm down, naturally, because my glare increased every his booming laugh shot across the deserted parking lot.

"Déjà vu, honey?" he asked, his eyes softening.

My teeth gritted. "Not a good one, Em. I don't like this at all." I shot my eyes at Alice and Jasper, who were still laughing hysterically.

"Are you for real, a _thong_, Rosalie?" Alice laughed, holding on her side.

"You were the one two aisles behind me?!" I screeched. Emmett held me back. My struggles were almost pointless.

"And I really, do like your butt, Rose," she purred. Jasper exploded in another fresh set of giggles. He fell on the ground and almost started rolling.

"I can't believe we suckered you into going to Wal-Mart in _shorts_," Jasper bit out, "Emmett, you owe me a hundred bucks!"

Emmett groaned behind me.

"I thought you were better than that, Rose," he grumbled, letting me go because he needed to get his wallet and pay up to Jasper.

"What'd you guys do to my clothes, then?" I asked, grumpily.

"Donated them to Goodwill," Alice said bluntly.

"YOU WHAT?!" I lunged at her, my fury radiating so much that Jasper flinched and jumped back.

Alice avoided my attack and laughed. "Just kidding, sheesh. It's in the garage." She must've foreseen my next question.

"Yes, Esme and Edward was in on it," she chuckled.

"Oh, they're dead too," I muttered darkly.

"Aren't you going to ask about Carlisle?" Emmett asked, laughing.

"What about him?" I said, confused. I doubt Carlisle had anything to do with stealing my clothes.

"Well, technically, he's the one who stole all your clothes," Emmett said, "remember when he asked you to help judge a few new set of resumes? Yeah, while you were busy, well, you know."

I sank down on the ground. "Carlisle? Seriously?" I bit out. As if on cue, Carlisle came from behind a car. Oh, so he was also the suspicious shadow from before.

Carlisle's eyes were glowing, but his mouth was definitely repentant. "I'm sorry, Rose." His eyes flickered over Emmett and the lot, then back to me. "It was childish, but it was … _interesting_."

I was shocked. Carlisle and practical jokes were never on the same page.

"And how exactly was it interesting?" I asked, my eyes narrowing to dangerous vampire slits.

"I was curious to find the cause of your aversion to shorts," he said simply, "And I think that we all learned a lesson today and that we ought to go home."

I silently stood up, and half-ran to my car. I was obviously furious. Everyone else emitted a giggle every now and then.

"Rose?" Emmett called as he climbed into Alice's car, he knew I was so furious that I'd probably throw _him_ out of the car on a ditch somewhere.

"Yeah what?" I snapped sharply, pissed off. What else can they want from me?

"Are you still gonna buy those jeans in the store? The lady's still faithfully waiting for you."

I heard Jasper snicker and Carlisle cough to hide his laugh. Alice had no care whatsoever, and was just laughing her heart out.

I slumped my head on my steering wheel. Today was truly a bad-everything day.


End file.
